When I was in college the first time, some 30-plus years ago, I read a story in my Freshman English class at BYU that had a profound effect upon my life. It was written by Isaac Bashevis Singer, and is entitled “Gimpel the Fool”. Gimpel was an orphan who was simple and without guile. Because of his nature, he was a target his entire life. Everyone in the village where he lived engaged in dispensing ridicule and lies that were directed at Gimpel, for the sake of nothing more than their own entertainment. In spite of this, Gimpel chose to never get angry or take revenge upon anyone, even though he was large in stature and could have taken most of them out at any time. Even though he usually did know when they were lying to him. Instead he chose to perpetually extend the benefit of the doubt to all who would mess with him, because he did not want to take the chance that his disbelief or his vengefulness might hurt another. “What was I to do?” said he, “I believed them, and I hope at least that did them some good.” Gimpel chose to take the advice of his rabbi, which was, "It is written, better to be a fool all your days than for one hour to be evil. You are not a fool. They are the fools. For he who causes his neighbor to feel shame loses Paradise himself."
The story of Gimpel was not a happy one. He was horribly taken advantage of throughout his life, choosing always to see and embrace the good in those who treated him most miserably. When he came to the end of his days, he had no regrets, because he had never dished evil to a living soul. He was prepared and without fear, saying, “When the time comes I will go joyfully. Whatever may be there, it will be real, without complication, without ridicule, without deception. God be praised: there even Gimpel cannot be deceived.”
I have been gently accused, from time to time in my life, of being a “doormat”, of not standing up for myself when I was being taken advantage of. And without dwelling upon parts of my life that I am now mostly free of, sometimes they were right. I hate conflict, and would always rather take the brunt of any unkindness than ever dish it out myself. Not that I haven’t occasionally engaged in a few biting and cynical dialogues in my head when I felt attacked. But I can never bring myself to actually carry them out. The act of making anyone feel even slightly bad about anything, even (maybe especially) if they deserve it, is just not in my repertoire. I blame my mother for this. She does not have a mean cell in her body. When I was a small child, growing up in the 1960’s, she used to often quote a line from the movie “Bambi”, spoken by a repentant little bunny called Thumper, whose mother had taught it to him… “If ya can’t say somethin’ nice, don’t say nothin’ at all.” She must have said this to us a lot, because it is so deeply ingrained in my memory. My mother lives by these words. I can honestly not remember a single time in my entire life that I have ever heard her speak an unkind word about anyone. And I have seen her deal kindly with those who deserved otherwise. This is what I aspire to.
I have six children, and I spend a whole lot of time beating myself up over the many ways I believe I have failed them over the years. None of us is perfect when it comes to parenting. But I believe that they have picked up this one concept along the way somehow, because they are mostly kind to each other. (Sometimes in their own unique, biting, and cynical way!) But they take care of each other, and I find that gratifying. I tell them repeatedly (and try to show them as well) that there is nothing in life that matters more than how they treat others. NOTHING. “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Without exception. There is a reason that particular Rule is called the Golden one.
I saw a movie once, can’t remember what it was called, but it was about a guy who had treated people horribly his entire life, then had a near-death experience, from which he returned with the unwelcome ability to feel exactly what he had made other people feel. As time went by, he discovered that his own life was far less painful if he treated the people around him with kindness. Well, DUH! My own personal theory about Judgment Day, and Heaven versus Hell in the life after this one, is that a similar rule will apply. That the definition of both Heaven and Hell is the same; You will simply feel what you have caused others to feel. The Savior Himself has put no small emphasis on this particular concept. “Love one another, as I have loved you.” Pretty basic. As it says on the wall in my mother’s house, “Nice Matters”. Thumper and I have wise mothers. And Gimpel was no fool. When in doubt, always err on the side of kindness. What’s the worst that could happen?
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